www.youtube.com\/watch?v=fN8nQ7zYOWY<\/a><\/p>\nIt is perhaps helpful to reflect for a moment how people come into relationship. It starts with an encounter. Two people become aware of one another. Maybe they find themselves in the same space at the same time. Or, maybe, their eyes connect and they are drawn together. It occurs to me that \u2018Glass\u2019 is all about the risk involved in moving from encounter through connection to relationship.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u201cTrying to live and love,<\/p>\n
With a heart that can’t be broken,<\/p>\n
Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can’t be opened\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Just as we won\u2019t see the light unless we open our eyes we won\u2019t experience the benefits of relationship unless our hearts are open. And yes, we may come to realise \u201cThis could be a big mistake\u201d. Maybe our hearts will get broken; but \u201cit’s a chance we’ll have to take.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We may discover we are like \u201coil and water\u201d, which, of course, don\u2019t mix, but if we don\u2019t explore, once connection is established, we\u2019ll never know whether we will blend or not. Alternatively, we may learn that we are \u201clike gasoline and fire\u201d, a metaphor generally used in the context of being no good for one another rather than setting each other aglow. Yet it\u2019s those \u201cdifferent paths\u201d, down which we\u2019ve walked that \u201cbrought us here together\u201d to a point of opportunity to \u201clove [each other] gently\u201d rather than \u201cjudge\u201d one another.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It\u2019s those same \u201cdifferent paths\u201d, down which we\u2019ve walked, on which we\u2019ve \u201cpicked up\u201d \u201cbaggage\u201d, memories of past encounters and relationships.\u00a0 However, when events in the present raise unpleasant feelings in us, perhaps because we are reminded of the foibles of a former mate, our minds can play tricks on us, as we attribute the source of our distress to our current partner. This unconscious process is known as projection.<\/p>\n
The risk of opening up to another is that while there is potential for us to \u201cshine\u201d, because of the \u201cbaggage we picked up on our way\u201d and projection there is also the danger we may \u201cshatter\u201d because \u201cwe are fragile, we are human\u201d. Each of us has the capacity to heal past hurts or to, often unintentionally, rewound the other. Therapy helps raise awareness of the unconscious processes that go on in human relationships.<\/p>\n
In attempting to protect ourselves from feeling hurt we may restrict \u201cthe light we let through us\u201d. The problem with this defensive approach to life is that we also restrict another\u2019s capacity to heal because, rather than showing them who we really are, we display a distorted image of ourselves. The more open our hearts are, the clearer the glass is and the less chance there is of our true \u201cshape\u201d being misconstrued.<\/p>\n
Glass, of course, doesn\u2019t have to be colourless.\u00a0 Sometimes it is translucent or even opaque. And occasionally it may crack without shattering. The path to true intimacy in relationship is through transparency. Being seen and accepted for who we are, warts and all. Again, this involves risk. Shawna is painfully aware as she risks \u201clet[ting] you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks\u201d knowing \u201cyou[\u2018ll] see \u2026 good and bad\u201d because we are all a mixture of both, and pleading \u201cnot to judge [and reject] me\u201d.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
A registered therapist or counsellor can work with you through distressing emotions such as anxiety and shame and being on the receiving end of blame to gain fresh perspective.<\/p>\n
David Sinclair is a registered accredited psychotherapist, counsellor and supervisor.<\/p>\n
He is the Pastoral Care Director of the Association of Christian Counsellors (ACC), a faith based soul care agency.<\/p>\n
David is also the Service Manager of Wessex Psychotherapy and Counselling CIO (WPC), a registered charity dedicated to relieving psychological and emotional distress.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In my work as a counsellor and psychotherapist I never cease to be amazed at one and the same time at the resilience and the fragility of the human spirit \u2013 that inner core of ourselves as human beings. In the song \u2018Glass\u2019, husband and wife duo Keifer and Shawna Thompson, collectively known as Thompson … <\/p>\n
Continue reading “Pop Psychology 5 – Fragile and prone to distortion. Why relationships are like glass”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/940"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=940"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/940\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":942,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/940\/revisions\/942"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=940"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=940"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidsinclaircounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=940"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}