Pop Psychology 8 – Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran

The writer of so many good songs it is challenging to choose one Ed Sheeran number to focus on.

But, as Mothers’ Day approaches this beautifully crafted tribute to his mother appears appropriate.


Here is a link to the official YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIB8EWqCPrQ


Ed describes performing various domestic routines. But, like the photos in the album, they speak of a life that was loved. As the scene unfolds we learn that this life belonged to his mum whose illness has succumbed to death and whose love for him is evidenced by his breaking heart.

Ed celebrates his mother’s support of him by singing “Hallelujah” and, against the etiquette of his father, shedding a tear.

Ed continues tidying respectfully, coveting his mum’s view of life that, “A life with love is a life that’s been lived”.

While we are mistaken to think that all angels are good, Ed recognises that his mum’s home is with God. Proclaiming her observation of the person he has become he eulogises her shaping of him.

Attachment theorists suggest that we only need one attachment figure, typically our primary caregiver, who provides secure enough attachment for us to develop from dependence into secure independent, or maybe that should be interdependent, adult human beings.

Knowing we are unconditionally loved offers a strong foundation in life, bringing a sense of identity and purpose and meaning to this journey we call life. From this secure base we have the confidence to explore our environment and the people who inhabit it in safety, enabling us to regulate our emotions and negotiate transition from one phase of life to another successfully, giving scope to developing the full potential of who we are intended to be, as a gift to the rest of humanity.

Where an infant’s experience of their primary carer is either as unattuned, unreliable or even abusive they are likely to develop an insecure attachment style. If left undetected or untreated this will probably become the prevalent way they connect in adulthood.

Where a child experiences inconsistent attention from their carer, perhaps because the carer is preoccupied with meeting their own needs, the child tends to develop an ambivalent attachment style, alternatively clinging anxiously to (even, sometimes, to the extent of a role reversal attempt at seeking to care for the carer) and repelling the perceived intrusiveness of the carer in an attempt to pre-empt anticipated rejection. Unchecked this will likely manifest as self-criticism, manipulation and possessiveness in adulthood, often characterised by a pattern of angry outbursts followed by pleas for forgiveness.

Where a child experiences neglect and abandonment from not having their needs met, they may seek to minimise their needs in an attempt to avoid experiencing the disappointment of not having them met by their carer. But unacknowledged needs often come at a price as they cannot be voiced and so remain unmet by another, leading to the foment of resentment.

Where an infant is betrayed through abuse it is likely to lead to confusion and lack of trust and a disorganised chaotic relational style.

Fortunately, all is not lost. If you think you may be among the 35% or so of the UK population who have an insecure attachment style, working with a registered, accredited therapist can help remedy delayed development through finding secure attachment at any age.


Let us join with Ed in singing “Hallelujah” for his mum who provided him with such secure attachment to enable him to write and perform so many life affirming songs that bring so much blessing to so many people.

David Sinclair is a registered accredited psychotherapist, counsellor and supervisor.

He is the Pastoral Care Director of the Association of Christian Counsellors (ACC), a faith- based soul care agency.

David is also the Service Manager of Wessex Psychotherapy and Counselling CIO (WPC), a registered charity dedicated to relieving psychological and emotional distress.



Pop Psychology 7 – Spent the day in Bed – Morrisey

Morrisey, former lead singer of the Smiths is not renowned for his calming lyrics. It is hardly surprising then that his first new release in three years pursues a disquieting tone.

Here is a link to the official YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rmAi9XmlIo

The staccato ‘intro’ stands in stark contrast to the rest that bed invites. The driving rhythm that ensues militates against daytime repose. Perhaps this is intentional. With the notable exception of night workers most people take to their bed for sleep at night. Those staying the day in bed are typically ill, out of, or eschewing work, homemakers or possibly retired.

Morrissey pre-empts any workshy judgement being made of him, stating “I’m not my type”. The reason, it appears, that he is “very happy” he “spent the day in bed” is that he seeks to avoid what he asserts is the enslavement of being a worker.

Often associated with time off work is watching daytime TV, an eclectic mix of soaps and shopping channels. But rather than endorsing avoiding these, Morrisey advocates his listeners “Stop watching the news”. As he offers this advice the rhythm modulates, becoming free flowing, and the melody resolves, running counter to the conspiracy theory he implies. “News contrives to frighten you”, with the purposes, he alleges, of minimising personal significance, isolating and controlling individuals. “To make you feel small and alone…that your mind isn’t your own”. This cocktail of ideas is likely to provoke anxiety even in the most stable among us.


The theme of escape continues into the second stanza as Morrisey, lying in his paid for sheets, consoles himself that his “dreams” are “perfectly legal”. So persuaded is he by the efficacy of his strategy that he urges all he embraces as friends to “Stop watching the news”. The benefit to be derived from following this advice he suggests is “time [to] do as I wish”. The accompanying music slows, taking on an ethereal quality, emphasising the freedom to imagine.

By his third meditation on the advantages of spending the day in bed, Morrisey pleads with those who will listen to follow his recommendation to “be good to yourself” before the “pillows” of bed become the “pillars” of a tomb because “life ends in death”.

As Morrissey’s treatise melts into the ‘outro’ the repetitive alliteration of “no bus, no boss” and the rhyming of “no rain, no train” echo the rhythmic quality of a commuter journey. But Morrisey’s sardonic observation goes further he seems to see the routine of work as a depersonalising pursuit, one which emasculates and castrates, offering “no highway, freeway motorway” as escape to wilder reverie. Morrisey finally reinforces his view of the work-a-day world as enslaving by what sounds like the lash of a whip.

While I acknowledge news can shock, here is not the place, nor is there the space, to enter into a debate about whether the way in which it is told contrives to frighten, diminish, isolate and control people. Indeed, I find conjecture about conspiracy theory as unsettling as the concept itself. Spending the day in bed to avoid the object of our terror flies in the face of recognised desensitisation treatments of progressively facing our fears.

For me the alarm raised by this song is observing the balance between work and rest. Time and space to reflect on experiences and imagine possibilities offers enrichment. We work more effectively from a place of rest. The routine and creative aspect of work can be beneficial. Granted, some of us have greater opportunities and wider choices than others about what we work as and who we work for. Fundamentally, I find myself unable to agree with Morrisey’s thesis. After all, if we stay the day in bed to avoid being enslaved as a worker who will pay for the bed sheets in which we lie?

A registered therapist or counsellor or a trained pastoral carer can support and accompany you in helping face your fears and anxieties.

David Sinclair is a registered accredited psychotherapist, counsellor and supervisor.

He is the Pastoral Care Director of the Association of Christian Counsellors (ACC), a faith- based soul care agency.

David is also the Service Manager of Wessex Psychotherapy and Counselling CIO (WPC), a registered charity dedicated to relieving psychological and emotional distress.